save me, mummy

guess i have not updated for a long time eh.

i have a lot of things to talk about

a lot of things to express

but i just don't know where to start

am also wondering whether it is appropriate to have everything down here.

there are ups and downs between these periods

and i wonder what should i put down?

should i just put only the happy ones like what charis asked me to?

or should i include the deep sounds within my heart that i am dying to shout out?

i really don't know

i understand nobody likes to read emo post

i personally do not like to read them too

but it is only over here i can express my pain

without upfront confrontation.

i hope you guys understand.

i am honestly not in the mood to post anything happy

it just makes me feel worse about life

i fake a smile but nobody knows

even charis you don't know it

how nice to see you laugh when i told you that

but you know i kind of feel a little sad when i said that

well never mind

that is over so

forget it.

life have been topsy turvy recently

everyone is slowly leaving me

i feel lonely

home does not feel like home anymore

how i wish you will stop doing all these to me mummy

don't you know verbal and mental punishment is so much more hurting then physical ones?

every time you said something to hurt me, do you know how frustrated and helpless i feel?

no, i don't think you do

i tried to obey you as much as i can

but i really feel breathless

you are holding me too tight.

i need some space to breath

i love you

you know that very well

i know i have not grown up according to your plans

and i did not live up to your expectations

but i tried

i really tried

i cannot help myself from crying as i type this

cause the pain inside can never subside

the hurting words you said to me cannot never be erased

can you stop making it seems like you don't care anymore?

cause i want you to care

i want you to know i respect you more then anyone else in this world

but you don't seem to understand

help me mummmy

save me from the deep agony that you pushed me into..

**********

i don't know why i keep thinking of you

maybe because loneliness is overwhelming me ba